经济与社会科学2019papers.ssrn.com
回避敏感问题的代价
The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
进阶 · 约 30 分钟读完前置知识：社会心理学基础、实验设计与统计基础、人际沟通研究
导读
这篇论文关注日常对话中人们回避敏感问题（如收入、政治、健康等）所带来的社交代价。结合评论看，作者似乎讨论了提问敏感问题对他人观感的平均影响，并暗示回避的代价可能被高估；但原文具体实验设计不在评论中。HN 讨论的焦点是：直接问敏感问题究竟是促成深入交流，还是因极少数恶性后果而根本不值得。
HN 关注点：因为它触及日常社交中的风险计算：问敏感问题是高回报还是高风险，以及“一个极端个例就能毁掉生活”是否让回避变得理性。
HN 评论精选
这几条评论里：质疑 2 补充 1 亲历 1
亲历直接问敏感问题未必冒犯，反而可能跳过寒暄、促成深入交流。
我妻子曾是那种少见的、心里想什么就直接问别人的人。效果很奇特：我常在内心龇牙，心想“你刚才真不该说那个”。有时我想替她道歉或插个玩笑缓和。但奇怪的是，人们通常似乎不介意，有时只是轻微尴尬；极少数情况下他们回避回答，她也不会追问。最棒的是能和近乎陌生的人进行真正有趣的深入对话，跳过所有寒暄，直接聊大家都关心的话题。相比之下，我可能还在害羞地聊天气，她已经谈到神学了。*她现在少这样了，也许受我坏影响，或者有了孩子？
gampleman查看英文原文
My wife was* one of those rare people who just went ahead and asked people whatever was on her mind. This had a curious effect as I often internally winced and thought "you did not just say that". Sometimes I had the impulse to apologize for her or put in a joke to soften the blow. However, curiously, generally people didn't seem to mind or sometimes registered very mild embarrassment. In very rare cases they just avoided answering the question and she wouldn't press them. But the great thing about it was that one could have really interesting deep conversations with near strangers, because one would skip over all the smalltalk and immediately discuss something everyone cared deeply about. In comparison I would have shyly still been discussing the weather whereas she would be already talking theology. * She does it less now. Perhaps my bad influence or having kids?
质疑回避敏感问题是对小概率高伤害事件的理性防御，而非基于平均效应。
作者没抓住重点。人们回避敏感问题不是因为它平均而言影响别人看法，而是因为罕见极端个例会毁掉所有人：只要一个混蛋向 HR 举报你，就能毁掉你的生活。
sandoooo查看英文原文
The author misses the point. People are avoiding sensitive questions not because it impacts opinion on average, but because of the rare outliers that ruin it for everybody. It takes just a single asshole reporting you to HR to ruin your life.
补充对话是风险/回报权衡，敏感话题高风险高回报，想深入就得冒险。
嗯，我脑内把对话建模成一场游戏：看谁能从对方那里挖到最多“亲密感”，同时最少暴露自己。所以冒险话题正如字面，高风险也高回报；寒暄则是低风险低回报的来回。你不必和陌生人亲密，但想超越客套就得冒险。我早前写过一篇长文讨论这个话题：https://zrkrlc.wordpress.com/2018/11/27/a-long-guide-to-conversations/
zrkrlc查看英文原文
Hmm, in my head, I model conversation as a game of who can get the mine the most "intimacy", if you will, while revealing the least about oneself. So risque topics are, as the adjective suggests, high risk, but also high reward. Correspondingly, small talk is a lot of low risk, low reward back-and-forth. You don't have to be intimate with a stranger, but you need to stick your neck out if you want to progress beyond pleasantries. Here's a longer piece about the whole topic of conversations that I wrote a while back: https://zrkrlc.wordpress.com/2018/11/27/a-long-guide-to-conversations/
质疑从进化心理角度提醒：回避本能存在有其原因，不宜轻易否定。
对这类东西要小心。回避敏感问题是默认人类行为，有进化上的原因。如今心理学有种趋势，识别并教我们处理自己的偏见。理解偏见来源是好的，但完全忽视它们并不明智，因为它们存在是有原因的。
crimsonalucard查看英文原文
Be careful about stuff like this. There's an evolutionary reason for why it's default human behavior to avoid sensitive questions. In general there's sort of a trend with psychology nowadays in how it identifies and teaches us how to deal with our own biases. While I think it's good to understand the origins of our biases it is not completely wise to ignore them because they are their for a reason.
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- 2019Hacker News 讨论帖273 分 · 236 评
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